I am pregnant. I feel that summarises a second pregnancy to a tee. I just am. The end. Yes I have a belly. How many weeks am I? Um, let me think….
Rewind 2 years and 9 months and it was a very different story. I bathed in my state of fertility. I carried my belly with the pride of a first time pregnant mum. I luxuriated in my state of pregnancy.
I went to pregnancy yoga, every week. Yes, every week. And was on time. And had clothes without stains.
I also went to the pool. Every week. After work. And never felt rushed to get home for bed time, bath time, dinner time, cranky afternoon time.
Oh and I did African dancing. Of course! Until I was 7 months pregnant! How the hell did I do that???
Did I feel like going to a pregnancy massage? Sure! I will be there in a jiffy! Now? I had a friend call and say she needed a case study to complete her pregnancy massage certification and would it be okay if she gave me two free 90 minutes massage. Best call ever! But then reality hit home. Baby sitting. Where was I going to find baby sitting? Trying to book a time suddenly became like trying to organise a UN Peace Summit. But I have one booked, and boy oh boy am I looking forward to it! 4 more days, just 4 more days.
First time around there was also this endless time (or what seems like it now) to just sit and be pregnant. To really tune in and appreciate the magic that is happening in your belly. I remember every week checking to see what developments were going on. Knowing when bub could start smelling, tasting. How big it got each week. I had every pregnancy app under the sun and would check them all every Monday, even though they all said basically the same thing.
I have actually deleted all the pregnancy apps from my phone this time around because they are taking up valuable space that could be used for the 208839524975634975 photos and videos I have of Possum!
My real life bubby (well she will be 2 next week!) is now what consumes my world. I don’t need to read a book or check an app to know what she is doing because it’s all happening right in front of my eyes! And the day to day learning and discovery that she is doing astounds me more than the measurements of my belly baby. And that doesn’t bother me one bit. Because I know once this belly baby is born, that’s when the wonder will grow even more!
So this pregnancy is just that. A waiting game, until I get to meet this little person inside me and let life truly explode with joy and wonder. In the mean time, I will tolerate wearing hand me down maternity clothes that kind of fit. I will sleep as best I can because my toddler still wakes in the night occasionally. I will not squeeze too much in my week to prove that pregnancy and babies won’t change me. Because it already has. I have no points to prove. I have succumb joyfully to the life of a mother.
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